CFIDS is NOT the Captain of My Ship Anymore

For twenty five years I have dealt with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dsyfunction Syndrome, and for most of that time, it has tossed me this way and that, regardless of where I wanted to go. At least, that's what I thought...I thought I had no control over this disease that had taken control of my life.

However, a lot has changed since I first became ill. Good news is that I no longer deal with issues such as a fluttering heart beat, or my heart stopping for a beat; no longer have nights sweats. My blood pressure no longer drops all a sudden, sending me into a shivering mess.

My organs no longer get so cold I could tell you where each of them was, because they felt like blocks of ice inside my body. I no longer feel as if my head is going to drop off my neck. When I tell my eyes to open they do. When I tell myself to get out of bed, I can.

Two summers ago, I had managed to swim 100 laps in the pool a day. Did I do it all at once? No. I swam first 5 laps, then increased it till I could do 20 laps. Then I did 20 laps 5 time a day.

Last summer, I managed the 6000 mile trip from Fla to Alaska, then managed to get moved into a place here in Seward. I don't know anyone in Seward, and only one friend in Anchorage.

I planned this trip 8 years ago. Took me a while, but I got here.

I had to give up a lot of things to get to the place I am at now. First, my views on spirituality. I was raised a Mormon, and have 300 relatives who are Mormons. I had many blessings from Mormons for this illness. Didn't help. In fact, for me, I had to explore alternative spiritual practices in order to not succumb to the despair and depression caused by this illness. I explored a lot of things, including crystals and stones,
and Native American spiritual practices, (which I really like).

I gave up doctors also. Ten years ago a doctor told me I would be dead within the year. Last time I went to a doctor. Now I listen to my body; when it tells me to rest, I rest. If I don't want to do something, I don't. Unless it's really important to me to do, and then I accept the consequences of pushing past my limits. I know that I will be in bed until I replace the extra energy used. I've learned not to whine about my inability to do what other people can do. I do what I can do, and that's enough for me.

Crystals and stones really worked for me somehow. I was a real hard core case against these very objects when well, but one of my friends gave me one as I lay there in my bed.
I would stare at it, and it was like it gave me energy to focus my thoughts somehow. Crystals led me into a whole new area that I never would have explored had I been well. My mind was just too closed.

And this may sound strange, but somehow I am grateful for the path that CFIDS has led me to. I used to have no patience for sick people...I do now! I found that I could make some really beautiful things using crystals and stones, and it felt good while I was doing it. I could do it in bed if I needed too. I would never have found this talent for creating jewelry, had I not gotten sick. I am an Aries, we don't like to sit still...we like to be doing anything physical. I have found that I have other talents I never would have found otherwise.

And frankly, I've met some truly wonderful people on this part of my journey that I never would have met had I not had this illness. Call me a sucker, but I am grateful for that.

I like my life. No, I don't do everything the way that I did them before. But I still get whatever job I decide to tackle...I get it done. Maybe not as fast as other people. I do get it done my way tho.